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Here is the analysis:
"WOOHOO! How about it for one of the finest babes never to have driven either in NASCAR or Cannonball Run? Never mind the fact that I hear it's probably not a good idea for her to get behind the wheel in the first place... Natsumi Tsujimoto might not cast the image to you that police are our friends, but she sure as hell does let us know that handcuffs are!!! Also, if drinking contests were a legitimate sport, Natsumi would probably win the world championship hands down, with Fujisawa-sensei and ranmaofdallas coming in a distant second and third. And if you're wondering about the aftereffects, who else could get so drunk the night before, go back to work still drunk, puke all over the visiting superintendent, and still have her job? Mind you, we've heard that ranma drank enough on New Year's Eve 1999 to kill a Texas-sized herd of cattle, and only wound up with a broken eye socket and a cracked rib, but that doesn't matter 'cause he wasn't even employed by anyone at the time. Anyway, I've gotta give a big Stone Cold Steve Austin HELL YEAH to Natsumi Tsujimoto being in the Top 20!" |
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 Guest analyst Barry Melrose explains:"Rich, I gotta ask you...are you sure that Natsumi Tsujimoto is even from Japan, and not from, say, Alberta? I'll tell you something...she's as beautiful looking as any of us other western Canadians, so I don't really understand where the creators of the You're Under Arrest! series get off trying to make us think she's actually from somewhere near Tokyo, especially when I thought I've seen her around during many of the Edmonton Oilers home games, hangin' loose, drinkin' beer, and cheerin' for the Oilers back in the day when Wayne Gretzky, Mark Messier and Jari Kurri were playing together, winning Stanley Cups for the Dynasty of the 1980s, back when speed and finesse were the key to their victories, back when guys like Andy Moog, when he played for the 1988 Wales Conference Champion Boston Bruins, were being strung out all over the crease like old rag dolls...what does that teleprompter say? ...quit talking about...all that...f#@&in' hockey and...get back to talking about Natsumi Tsujimoto...oh, yeah. Natsumi's definitely a fine babe who deserves being in the Top 20. There, how's that?" |
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Why can't either the Denton or Addison Police Departments have cops as fine as my baby Natsumi Tsujimoto?!? |
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Of course you would ask something like that, Mister Ex-Con! |
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Hell, if I were Officer Tsujimoto, I'd bust your ass right now! Hell, I wish she'd bust my ass right about now! |
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You want to check my blood-alcohol content, Officer? I think right about now it's more like my alcohol-blood content! |
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Officer, you gotta help me, I'm desperate! Some bitch stole $400 from me a few spots back... |
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If you wanna score points in this contest, you gotta sleep with...what do mean I have the right to remain silent? |
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It's about time you show yourself to me, Homerun Girl! |
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Is she going to be naked and wielding a nightstick? |
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Of course you'll be in the Top 20, Officer Tsujimoto! Now, can we forget about my last heist? |
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Abidance of the law is what we've made sure to maintain, Officer Tsujimoto. Who told you someone like me would be possessing illegal controlled substances? |
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Can't we all just get along? |
ranmaofdallas was going to show this picture in the beginning of this segment, but decided to use the beach patrol one instead
Did ya hear, Ken? I made the Top 20!
COPS...brought to you by the fine women of law enforcement
Did we already say this girl's name is Natsumi?
Doesn't Natsumi look so cute in those pajamas?
Go on and write me up a one...twenty-five
Post my face Wanted Dead or Alive
Take my license, all that jive
I can't drive.........55!
If you loved those pix above, you'll loooooovvvve these below!
Natsumi in action, comin' at ya!
Watersports are cool, too!
You're...on top of a police car, lookin' too hot for me baby!
Our tribute to the late Jack Lord...Natsumi Tsujimoto as Hawaii Five-O
Arigato gozaimashita! ranmaofdallas, I'm so happy you put me on the Top 20!
Here's a present for you, ranmaofdallas!
Here's your present when it's unwrapped!
What's this s#!% I hear about only getting up to number three on the Top 20?!?
After all the off-duty swimsuit and underwear shots I gave you f#@&in' pr!@&s, this is how you repay me?!?
Here's a nice, fat ticket for public intox and lewdness for being the ugly, drunk, half-dead, horny little perverted bastards that you are!
Ta-ta, boys! Just make sure your stupid asses behave now,
or I'll really come down on your asses hard if you f#@& with me next time!
Links to Natsumi Tsujimoto
Elisa's You're Under Arrest Image Gallery
Taiho Shichauzo and
the Modern Japanese Police
If you dare, you can view Dabytches - ranma's Bottom 10
Or, you can take another gander at our esteemed
judges and runners-up
Rich Eisen explains:
